You can enjoy the holidays without shoulding on yourself. Here’s how.

Photo by Sean Wells on Unsplash

Today is November 1. For some, the day after Halloween marks the beginning of the holidays: that swirl of activity that includes Thanksgiving, Christmas or Hanukka, and New Year. Many also observe Kwanza. That’s a lot of activity and it can create a feeling of overwhelm.

A few years ago I coached a client who wanted to once again enjoy Christmas, a time of year that had always been her favorite. She told me that for the last several years, Christmas had become a suffocating chore. Here are the steps we took in our coaching sessions:

1. Write down every (and I meant EVERY) Christmas activity

   I encouraged the client to make this list without editing and without judging herself or others. Seeing this list on paper helped her realize that over time she had added a lot of activities to her list. She was experiencing “Christmas creep.”

2. Assign every item on the Christmas Activity List to one of two columns: Want to Do, or “Should” Do

   This step required rigorous honesty. I requested that my client not think ahead to the end-of-the-world disappointment that anyone might experience if she stopped doing an activity that landed in the Should Do column. If she no longer wanted to exchange gifts with the co-workers, that activity landed on the Should Do list without worry about others’ feelings. My client, being the genius that she is, created a third column: Want to Do Pared Down. Brilliant!

3. Check out assumptions

   The client was concerned with how others would feel if she stopped doing the activities that had landed on her Should Do or Pared Down lists. While she didn’t need anyone’s permission to reclaim her time and energy, I invited her to check in with each person who would be affected and get their feedback. She discovered the following

   1. The now-adult kids were fine with the scavenger hunt being discontinued. They had been going along with it because they though it meant a lot to their mom.

   2. Going out to dinner was important to the dance-mom group, and it was important to my client. Everyone was in total agreement to stop the gift-exchange component and simple meet in a restaurant to share a meal.

   3. My client checked in with herself. She discovered that while she loved sending Christmas cards, her list had become so massive that addressing all those cards took more time than she was willing to spend. She pared down her list to a manageable size.

   My client continued checking out her assumptions about how others would react to her ceasing activities that no longer brought her joy. No one was offended!

   This client graciously gives me permission to share this story. I called her last week to check in and learn if she continues to enjoy Christmastime. Her response?

“100% !”

I enjoyed catching up and learning she is still using the techniques from our coaching five years ago.

Now it’s your turn. If the holidays have over time become a chore, I invite you to use the techniques this client used. Let me know if I can help.