When Saying “No” Is The Kindest Response

Last week I received an email asking if I would be willing to deliver a presentation in mid September. As I checked my calendar I knew the best response was “no.” Here’s why:

• The engagement would have occurred during my first week back from my staycation and I’ll have a lot of catching up to do.

• That week I have a Finance Committee meeting and a Board of Directors meeting at the nonprofit where I serve as executive director. I do a lot of behind the scenes prep work as an investment in those meetings running smoothly.

• I am already booked to deliver one presentation and one workshop that week.

I typically subscribe to the idea that “no is a complete sentence,” but in this case I wanted the requester to know that I really want to help her…during any week other than that one. So I gave her the why behind the no. She was very gracious and is looking for another time to schedule me.

I probably could have squeezed in the presentation. But would that have been the best choice for me? For the requesting organization?

Absolutely not.

Saying “yes” could have meant preparing for the presentation during staycation, and I am resolved to keep my boundaries and not work. That choice would not have been showing myself kindness. Or, it meant creating the presentation upon my return, when my week is already crammed full of commitments. That would have been unkind to the organization.

In 2012 I went through a period of severe career burnout. I never want to experience that again, and I know that an antidote is to be realistic with my time and the commitments I accept. Doing that is showing kindness for all concerned.